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Ahhh, debate season. The time of year when people who have already made up their minds tune in to make fun of the other candidate’s hair and verbal missteps. Democracy at its finest.

Let’s be honest with each other: If you are reading this sentence without moving your lips, chances are you can effectively articulate the differences between Jim Talent and Claire McCaskill. Good for us — we clearly come from a gene pool deeper than the percentage of those who can’t seem to distinguish between these two very different candidates.

Let’s leave the serious news to johncombest.com, and let’s leave the serious post-debate analysis to the poli sci professors and assorted dorkchops who are paid to tell us what we just saw with our own two eyes.

Like a company picnic, or my last relationship, I figure tonight’s televised Talent-McCaskill debate in St. Louis (and the ones that will follow in Springfield and KC) will be much easier to tolerate if we’re drinking the whole time. (Unfortunately, Sunday’s Meet the Press debate began at 8 a.m., which is too early to start drinking, even for an Irishman.)

Here are the ground rules:

– I’m not responsible for your actions. Like the good folks at Anheuser-Busch, who insisted that their Bud Pong was meant to be played with water, I am not encouraging the consumption of beer or any other delicious, refreshing adult beverage.

– Be smart. “One drink” means “one sip”, but no self-respecting man describes any form of liquid consumption as the latter, so I’m using the former. If you’re drinking a mixed drink or some kind of liquor straight up, adjust the “drink” intake accordingly.

– Don’t be a pansy. As my old roommate, the legendary C.T., liked to say: “It’s a drinking game. You’re supposed to drink.” (He also coined the motto, “It’s not binge drinking if you do it every night,” so follow his maxims at your own risk.)

With no further ado, what we’re watching for and the damage to be done:

1.) Jim says, “Missour-uh”: 1 drink

2.) Jim slips and says, “Missour-ee”: 3 drinks

3.) Jim says, “bipartisan”: 3 drinks

4.) Claire says, “oil”: 3 drinks

5.) Jim says, “I mean…”: 3 drinks

6.) Claire says, “You know…”: 3 drinks

7.) Jim says, “Look…”: 3 drinks

8.) Claire forces a smile when you know she’s really pissed: 3 drinks

9.) Claire gives us her trademark wide-eyed expression, the one that says, “I’m thrilled to be answering this question!”: 2 drinks

10.) Claire gives us her other trademark expression, the SUPER-wide-eyed look that says, “Behind this podium, I’m receiving my very first prostate exam!”: 4 drinks

11.) Jim reinforces the image of Claire as a down-balloter by calling her “the state auditor”: 2 drinks

12.) Jim engages in “up-talk” — the self-defeating habit of raising one’s verbal pitch at the end of a sentence, turning what should be a strong, declarative statement into a weak request for approval: 2 drinks

13.) Claire mentions the name of a Republican (Jack Danforth, John McCain, etc.): 5 drinks

14.) Jim mentions the name of a Democrat (Dianne Feinstein, Ron Wyden, etc.): 5 drinks

15.) Jim or Claire begin to answer a question by going back to a previous question: 5 drinks

16.) Jim or Claire attribute a folksy saying to a relative: Finish your drink

17.) Jim or Claire mention a Missourian’s name (”I think of Flo Fertility, who works 9 jobs to support her 11 kids…”): Finish your drink

18.) Jim or Claire mention a suburb of the city in which they’re debating: Finish your drink

19.) A member of your group speculates on how hot Claire was when she was in college: 5 drinks

20.) A member of your group says he thinks Claire looks hot tonight: Finish your drink and call him a cab

BOTTOMS UP!

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For those of you who missed it, and those who want to see it again, here’s the video of yesterday’s Meet the Press.

I’ll link to the YouTube version if/when one becomes available.

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The sign vandalism video sure has raised a lot of blood pressure. Republicans seem eager to hang someone, while some Democrats are suggesting that the video was staged.

In the last post, I asked: “I wonder how long it will take to identify these people. Are they Republicans or Democrats? Are they involved in a campaign? If so, for whom do they work?”

So let’s all take a deep breath, sit back, and look at what we know and what we don’t know.

First, a blog called Gateway Pundit claims to have identified the two individuals in the video.

What do you think?

Christin Green

Chris Worth

(These photos are from facebook, via Gateway Pundit. If the pictures do not display properly in your browser, you can click on the blog link to see them.)

So are these two really the ones caught on tape? The picture of the guy certainly looks like the guy on the tape. The girl might also be a match, although the girl in the picture doesn’t seem to be quite as heavy as the girl in the video. Of course, it is possible that the picture was taken in the fall of her freshman year.

The Gateway Pundit also states that the two are students at Missouri State University. The MSU People Search confirmed their status as students. (Those into irony will take note of Chris Worth’s major.)

Now, for what we don’t know. Gateway Pundit says these two are Democrats. Is that true?

Of course, Democrats could be right; maybe Christin Green and Chris Worth are Republicans who staged fake vandalism. If so, Green and Worth should admit to doing as much.

If not, well, they still have some explaining to do, don’t they?

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Check out these guys, caught messing with a Talent for Senate sign in Springfield:

Here’s a slightly longer version:

I don’t know what’s worse: getting caught doing something like this, or being captured on film scurrying like roaches with the lights on. The guy looks pretty scared as they’re running away, and the girl — who clearly doesn’t do much running — looks equally frightened during her trot.I wonder how long it will take to identify these people. Are they Republicans or Democrats? Are they involved in a campaign? If so, for whom do they work?As always, you can find the most comprehensive collection of news regarding the Jim Talent vs. Claire McCaskill race every day at http://www.johncombest.com.

UPDATE: A source tells johncombestblog.com that the couple in the video is Mr. & Mrs. Jack Sprat of Springfield. They were seen before the incident at the Golden Corral Buffet on E. Primrose.

UPDATE #2: This just in — apparently, Jack Sprat and his wife are fictional characters from a children’s nursery rhyme. Visit johncombest.com tomorrow to find out the names, and view more pictures, of the two captured in the video.

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