The Political Freak Show: Pt. 2
Yesterday, I linked to the first part of a post-Halloween column I wrote for Dave Drebes’ Arch City Chronicle. This is Part 2 of that column.
DOUG AND WENDY WHINER – Like the Saturday Night Live characters from the early ‘80s, these men and women are not happy unless they’re unhappy. They’re quick to point out every slight, whether real or imagined, inflicted upon them by candidates and staff. Doug and Wendy are almost always committeemen and committeewomen, and their reign over their feifdom invariably predates the invention of the personal computer. They’re not particularly fastidious about keeping track of voter ID information – which might actually help their party’s candidates – but they certainly keep a detailed list of which candidates didn’t show up to their latest ward or township meeting.
CHICKEN LITTLE – This character is not marked so much by his party identification, but by his sense of impending doom. Regardless of the political climate, the sky is always falling – either the homosexuals are overtaking the public schools (R) or the oil companies are plotting another world war (D). Either way, the world is always about to come to an end – and soon.
DADDY WARBUCKS – This kindly gent has a big heart, and wants nothing more than to help out his fellow man – and by “fellow man” I mean “shapely co-ed.” Does he really think that the sophomore fashion major is impressed with meeting state reps and lobbyists? She knows where her bread is buttered, though, and plays along like a good girl. From dinner and drink tabs to spring break excursions for little Annie and her roommates – no expense is spared when Daddy Warbucks senses an orphan in need.
The party Dave Drebes held in early October for the 5th Anniversary of the Arch City Chronicle was a great event – but I propose that next year, we push the date back to the end of the month to celebrate Halloween. Every politico in the city – Republican and Democrat – will be welcome to join in the fun and identify as many political “characters” as he or she can in the course of the evening. Drinks will be free – and no costume is required.
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